Broken

Forgive me for my ignorance on the topic of blogging, for I have not read anyone else’s blogs much less written a blog myself. I must admit I am writing more for myself than others. If my blog is of some use to those who read it, then that is an added bonus. Also please overlook my writing abilities, because I’m sure there will be many mistakes.

I’m writing from a place of brokenness. Apostle Paul wrote; “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” Phi 1:21. Today marks a year since I lost the love of my life. I have now come to a place of new understanding of this verse.

I believe knowing the back story is a must to understanding the position in which I write. Tammy and I had been married for 28 ½ years when she died last year, at the age of 46. We both had been married for longer than we had been single. The longer we were married the closer our relationship grew. We were at a point in our relationship when words were not needed to express what each of us was thinking. But, if you knew Tammy, there was never a shortage of words! And a touch, spoke stronger than any words could have ever expressed. I in no way want to say we never had issues in our marriage but for the most part those times occurred in our past youth.

Since her diagnostic of cancer four years prior, we had begun to spend less time with friends and more time together. I cannot speak for Tammy but for myself there was no one who knew what we, or I, were experiencing. Although we did not speak of it, we both knew after three relapses the hope of being medically cured was not hope but was false hope. Even with the many difficult days during those years, we continued to grow closer together.

Tammy was and still is my closest friend. So you see, I truly am in a place where I can say, “for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

I do not feel as if I can write any further today but I encourage you to continue following the story.