Broken – Anger Part I

Several of you have asked how often I plan on writing. I will tell you writing my first blog was emotionally and physically exhausting. With that being said, I know I can in no way write on a daily basis so for now I am looking to write weekly.

Some of you have mentioned the picture. This picture was taken on my last trip to Costa Rica. I have chosen this picture for a reason. It reminds me of the great power of God. Although the waves having been crashing over me, and at times I thought I may drown, my only hope has been my faith in God. This is not to say that I have lived up to that faith over this past year. Admittedly, there have been times in which anger, doubt and not caring has been my mantra of the past year. I do ask for forgiveness of those who might have witnessed these times.

Anger raised its ugly head quickly. There may be some people who say, some of the events in which the anger arose was justified and until recently I agreed. While Tammy was still sick, I was using my earned sick time to take off work. The week following Tammy pasting away, my directed supervisor contacted me saying the boss was wanting a doctor’s note excusing my being absent. This was the only contact I had with my boss following Tammy passing away, understand I saw him almost every day in which I worked.  The anger brewing inside me was saying, how could someone known to be a leader in his church, only contact be through my direct supervisor,  saying he was needed a doctor’s note. While this requirement was totally at his discretion. Doesn’t he know that I am experiencing a terrible tragedy! Doesn’t he know a simple text saying, I am praying for you would been incrediblely uplifting!

I must admit this incident filled me with anger. I finally had to come to a point of brokenness in which I forgave my boss. Forgiveness is an interesting subject isn’t it? If we hold onto anger, the only person it really hurts is ourselves. I know many of you have experienced terrible events in your life and struggle with forgiveness. I wish I could say I displayed a strong example for you but I know I did not. For that I am truly sorry.

Jesus’s words kept playing over in my mind; “when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25.  We are not to judge people or their actions but God will judge all men at the appointed time. I can honestly say that though I know we will never hangout together, I have forgave my boss. A burden was lifted from my shoulders through this act of forgiveness.

Anger was also building up in my most inner being towards the church in which I served for many years. I did not feel as if I was receiving the support of the church. The people I worshipped with for years, were not reaching out to provide support. I received support from non-christians and co-workers but from very few individuals from the church. God was quick to prompt my heart to ask the question, is your faith in the church or in Me.

Through some tough times of examinations of myself, I realized there have been times in my life where my faith was dependent of the church instead of God himself. Do not get me wrong, the Church is to carry the burdens of one another. Gal. 6:2. I want to encourage everyone within the Church to support each other. When the lives within a church entwined, the cords created by this entwinment are much strong and harder to break.

If anger towards other people is consuming your most inner being, cry out to God, so that he may free you.  My next blog will be anger with God.


First blog post



Forgive me for my ignorance on the topic of blogging, for I have not read anyone else’s blogs much less written a blog myself. I must admit I am writing more for myself than others. If my blog is of some use to those who read it, then that is an added bonus. Also please overlook my writing abilities, because I’m sure there will be many mistakes.

I’m writing from a place of brokenness. Apostle Paul wrote; “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” Phi 1:21. Today marks a year since I lost the love of my life. I have now come to a place of new understanding of this verse.

I believe knowing the back story is a must to understanding the position in which I write. Tammy and I had been married for 28 ½ years when she died last year, at the age of 46. We both had been married for longer than we had been single. The longer we were married the closer our relationship grew. We were at a point in our relationship when words were not needed to express what each of us was thinking. But, if you knew Tammy, there was never a shortage of words! And a touch, spoke stronger than any words could have ever expressed. I in no way want to say we never had issues in our marriage but for the most part those times occurred in our past youth.

Since her diagnostic of cancer four years prior, we had begun to spend less time with friends and more time together. I cannot speak for Tammy but for myself there was no one who knew what we, or I, were experiencing. Although we did not speak of it, we both knew after three relapses the hope of being medically cured was not hope but was false hope. Even with the many difficult days during those years, we continued to grow closer together.

Tammy was and still is my closest friend. So you see, I truly am in a place where I can say, “for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

I do not feel as if I can write any further today but I encourage you to continue following the story.