Broken
Forgive me for my ignorance on the topic of blogging, for I have not read anyone else’s blogs much less written a blog myself. I must admit I am writing more for myself than others. If my blog is of some use to those who read it, then that is an added bonus. Also please overlook my writing abilities, because I’m sure there will be many mistakes.
I’m writing from a place of brokenness. Apostle Paul wrote; “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” Phi 1:21. Today marks a year since I lost the love of my life. I have now come to a place of new understanding of this verse.
I believe knowing the back story is a must to understanding the position in which I write. Tammy and I had been married for 28 ½ years when she died last year, at the age of 46. We both had been married for longer than we had been single. The longer we were married the closer our relationship grew. We were at a point in our relationship when words were not needed to express what each of us was thinking. But, if you knew Tammy, there was never a shortage of words! And a touch, spoke stronger than any words could have ever expressed. I in no way want to say we never had issues in our marriage but for the most part those times occurred in our past youth.
Since her diagnostic of cancer four years prior, we had begun to spend less time with friends and more time together. I cannot speak for Tammy but for myself there was no one who knew what we, or I, were experiencing. Although we did not speak of it, we both knew after three relapses the hope of being medically cured was not hope but was false hope. Even with the many difficult days during those years, we continued to grow closer together.
Tammy was and still is my closest friend. So you see, I truly am in a place where I can say, “for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
I do not feel as if I can write any further today but I encourage you to continue following the story.
Life 
Only God knows you better than Tammy did and I pray He gives you peace and healing today. Love you, brother in Christ. PS your writing was great!
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I’m glad you are writing. Me and Tammy talked a lot, well she did, as with most couples she kept a lot of the stuff between you and her private. I just know you were the love of her life. If I ever needed someone to council me on my marriage I talked to her. Sometimes she would use you’re marriage as an example. Love ya, please keep writing. I know it’s so hard, but it helps. Maybe I’m being a little selfish when I say that because it helps me too. I feel very much alone a lot of times and to just read this helps.
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Kevin, we are blessed to have known Tammy and you. This was a very touching blog and please write again when you can.
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Love that you are using writing as another tool in healing. I pray that as the words come , not only do they help you but as you said, others also.
The minute I met Tammy, I adored her , we didn’t see each other often but she always had encouraging or funny things to say , through fb or text. She was REAL and was not one to judge what others were going through.
My heart has hurt for you, but I do believe God is holding you strong and will continue too. Keep writing.
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Loved reading your post Kevin. Keep writing…. I think you are helping many others… probably more than you will ever know. I loved Tammy… and miss her also. Miss seeing you too, but like keeping up with you on FB.
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So thankful to see you sharing this. I think of you often and pray for you. Sandy and I loved Tammy and always enjoyed being around her. Loved to hear her sing! What a voice!
I can’t even begin to imagine the pain at times and the feeling of loss.
I am trusting God your Father to comfort you as only He can through His Holy Spirit.
Keep sharing!
Love you man!
David
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Good job Kevin….I owe you and Tammy so much when it comes to my healing process after my divorce…So thankful that Tammy introduced me to Karen…you guys both mean more to us than you know…I’m glad you are able to do this blog and I look forward to reading more of it
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You are loved and appreciated far more than you will ever realize. The influence you and Tammy had on our kids continues to this day. In a way the world does not understand,
Tammy lives on. It’s known as the Kingdom of God and I consider it an honor to be taking this journey with you!! Love you, Brother!!
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You wrote very well! My heart goes out to you. At this time in your life only God can fill your void. Keep your faith in Him,He is our hope in this world. Call me any time , Your Friend John Dotson
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I thought allot about you today Kevin and after reading this made me happy to know you are ok and as strong as always. I always look to you and Tammy for answers and you guys were the ones that would build me up to face the challenges in life. So I couldn’t think of the right words for you but clearly you are still the one that I will always look up to and you are such a strong person and I love that you are sharing the experiences you went through with my sister. I love you and thank you for being you.
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